tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
