he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
