Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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