Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
