I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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