so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I don't think brook has ever known best
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
