He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
The beer is more important than you right now.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
