will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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