I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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