when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Hippo gnu deer
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
