My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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