Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
