You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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