If i come over, it means nothing
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
