I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize