I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize