Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
