just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
