But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
