Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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