drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
