i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
