I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
