Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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