my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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