and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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