we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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