Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
