his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
