its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Randomize
