every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
