tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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