You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
