4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
