when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
