While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
