just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
