I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
