Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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