The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
