so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
