you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Randomize
