He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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