I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
