I love black thongs
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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