I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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