I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
