my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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