There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
