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I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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