I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Randomize
