Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Randomize
