hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
