she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
