I cockslap morals
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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