some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
