It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
