so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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