I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
