Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
