I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize