Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Randomize
