First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
