He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
