8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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