did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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