i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.