This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.