No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day