My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
PANTIES FOUND
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