i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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