she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
