Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
